Fighting Self-Deprecation With Therapy

Many of us want to appear down-to-earth and approachable rather than narcissistic and self-centered. Those who often make fun of themselves may create an image of a humorous person who doesn’t take things seriously, but the truth is that there can be a lot of pain and insecurity behind Self-Deprecation jokes.

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Usually, self-deprecation is a defensive reaction aimed to help a person deal with a difficult situation and avoid uncomfortable thoughts. By making other people laugh, a person may try to avoid possible threats to their self-esteem and blend in.

Besides, this can be an attempt to show that the person agrees with others. Self-deprecating jokes are also often used to mask other issues that bother you.

While being able to break the ice and ease the tension sometimes; self-deprecation may also get out of control, starting to damage one’s self-esteem and turning into acts of self-sabotage.

Researchers have linked excessive self-deprecating humor to depression and anxiety disorders. Self-deprecation also often negatively affects a person’s relationships, making others feel like they constantly have to cheer them up. So, when self-deprecating jokes no longer feel funny, it might mean that you could benefit from self-esteem therapy.

Common reasons for self-deprecation

Sometimes, self-deprecating jokes are just a part of a person’s humorous personality. However, they may also stem from self-hatred and a negative self-image. For instance, a negative self-image can be rooted in childhood trauma.

Trauma can make a person feel like the whole world around them is unsafe. To protect themselves from possible criticism or perceptions picked from abusive caregivers; people may develop inner narratives about being unworthy of love or success.

Problems with self-image and self-esteem, however, are not the only factors that may lead to self-criticism. For instance, it’s a common result of perfectionism. Sometimes, perfectionism can be combined with trauma, but it may also act as a stand-alone cause of excessive self-deprecation; making a person feel like they’re not good enough.

As we’ve already mentioned above, self-criticism may also stem from mental health problems. Quite often, major depressive disorder is an underlying factor that triggers self-deprecation. Besides, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and eating disorders are all possible causes.

How self-deprecation affects you

Self-deprecation makes you constantly downplay your skills and achievements. At some point, you may also notice that people around you can see through your jokes and understand that they’re coming from a dark place.

By constantly sending yourself negative messages that you’re not good enough or your effort isn’t that big of a deal; you may also worsen your emotional health, strengthening negative thinking patterns that cause mental health disorders.

Obviously, your self-esteem gets the most negative impact, but self-deprecation may also make you generally less optimistic; unsure of your own capabilities, and afraid to pursue your goals. Besides, it can damage your relationships because people won’t know the real you behind your jokes.

Self-deprecation may also have a negative impact on your professional life, downplaying your hard work. It can also cause significant damage to your motivation; making it generally harder for you to grow professionally and get promoted.

How therapy can help

Therapy requires a client to share their inner thoughts and feelings with a therapist. The therapist’s goal is to demonstrate enough compassion, understanding, and acceptance so that the client can feel safe, being able to address even the most painful issues.

Acceptance is a  crucial element of treatment when it comes to self-esteem issues. Given that self-esteem problems and self-deprecation thrive in the atmosphere of strict expectations and shaming, acceptance allows one to build healthy, high self-esteem.

Your perception of yourself and your evaluations (like “I don’t deserve it” or “I’m not good enough”) are not facts but just beliefs. Therefore, therapy aims to identify such unhelpful beliefs, challenge them, and replace them. Besides, therapy may help a person create positive experiences that may in turn reinforce positive beliefs.

Types of therapy

When helping clients overcome self-esteem problems or any other mental health issues, therapists may use different therapy modalities. People have all sorts of emotional problems, and there is no universal cure-all. So, when starting therapy, a therapist usually comes up with a personal treatment plan.

Here are some of the most common types of therapy.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

The main goal of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is to identify unhealthy thoughts and beliefs that fuel mental health problems. With the help of a trained therapist, a client learns to challenge the unhelpful thoughts and replace them. CBT has proven to be effective in treating depression, anxiety, and many other mental health issues.

Dialectical behavior therapy

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has the same roots as CBT, but it’s usually used when dealing with particularly strong emotions. For instance, DBT often turns out to be helpful when treating clients with bipolar disorder. While CBT aims to change and eliminate unhelpful thoughts, DBT seeks balance between this approach and acceptance. In some cases, acceptance might be the only right solution.

Interpersonal therapy

This type of therapy is particularly helpful when dealing with relationship issues, and it mostly focuses on improving one’s communication skills. Therefore, this sort of therapy may also be useful when treating clients who excessively use self-deprecation as a social tool in order to blend in.

Psychodynamic therapy

This is probably the oldest type of psychotherapy because it’s based on Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis theory. This type of therapy, however, has evolved significantly throughout the last few decades, and it also has proven to be effective when treating a vast range of mental health problems.

Unlike CBT, psychodynamic therapy doesn’t focus on a particular problem but rather aims to improve one’s emotional well-being, in general, and therefore takes more time.

Getting started with therapy

Although self-esteem problems can have a significant negative impact on many areas of one’s life, these problems can be solved through therapy. While traditional therapy required a client to commute to a therapist’s office, online therapy platforms like Calmerry offer a more flexible solution, enabling you to get help from virtually anywhere.

With Calmerry, you can complete a brief survey about your symptoms and get matched with a licensed therapist from your state within an hour. Calmerry also allows free therapist switching. Don’t hesitate to improve your life, therapy was made for it.